Financial Therapy for Couples

“Trading with Him or Marrying Him”

If I were to describe the old me, I would say I was a married whore. My dad raised me to think this way. I know he had good intentions, but his financial lessons almost destroyed my marriage. My sister and I did not receive any allowance as kids. However, whenever we did a favor, like massaging his back, bringing him a glass of water, or spending quality time with him, he would give us a significant amount of money. Money seemed to be his love language, as is common in my culture.

I never thought this was harmful until my husband and I started therapy sessions. Before therapy, I was convinced my partner was using or abusing me, while he believed I was treating our relationship like a transaction. The truth was that every time I was intimate with him, I unconsciously expected some form of financial reward, even though I didn’t explicitly see it that way.

This confusion stemmed from my unfamiliarity with the type of love he was offering. I couldn’t understand why I felt unfulfilled and abused after intimate moments. This issue was present even before our marriage. Through therapy, we discovered that our problem was not just about money itself, but about our underlying attitudes toward it and how they affected our relationship. We realized that we lacked a clear definition of money and how it influenced our interactions.